When “Everybody” Apparently Agrees
Six friends are watching a video of someone they know. One person laughs, two others laugh after hearing the first person, and someone adds a laughing emoji to the group chat. Within moments, the video has apparently become one of the great comedic achievements of the century. There is just one problem: four of the six people don't actually think it is funny. They are reacting partly to the video and partly to everyone else's reaction to it.
This is one of the stranger things groups can do. People don't only react to what is happening. They also notice what other people seem to approve of, dislike, wear, try, laugh at or avoid. That information can affect what they say, post, attempt, refuse or pretend to enjoy. Which raises an important question: How do you actually know what everyone else thinks?
What Does Everybody Really Think?
Sometimes you know because people tell you directly, and sometimes their behaviour gives you good evidence. Other times, you are filling in blanks. That can produce some spectacularly weird group decisions. Six people can keep doing something because each believes the other five want to do it. This is an impressively efficient system for organizing an activity almost nobody wants.
The phrase “everyone does it” deserves the same investigation. Suppose some students are talking about breaking a school rule, and one says everybody does it. Another person nods. A third doesn't want to look inexperienced, so they say nothing. What do you actually know from that scene? Much less than it first appears.
You know one person said everybody does it, someone else nodded, and a third person remained silent. You don't necessarily know what most students actually do, what the silent person thinks, whether the person nodding has ever done it, or whether “everybody” consists of three people and someone's cousin. Groups can create perceived norms, which are beliefs about what seems normal or accepted. Those beliefs can influence decisions even when they aren't completely accurate.
Online, the Crowd Can Look Enormous
Social media makes this especially interesting because the social information arrives with numbers attached. A post has hundreds of likes. A risky challenge has thousands of views, and several comments make the behaviour sound completely normal. Those numbers tell you something, but they don't tell you everything. A view does not mean approval, and a like doesn't tell you what someone would personally do. A loud comment section also doesn't represent everybody quietly scrolling past it while eating cereal.
Social Influence Literacy means separating what you actually know from what you are assuming other people think. Ten laughing emojis are evidence that ten accounts posted laughing emojis. They don't prove that everybody approves, that everybody would do the same thing, or that the behaviour is normal. Online, a relatively small number of visible reactions can sometimes look like an enormous crowd. Good judgement gets easier when you notice the difference.
Belonging Changes Decisions
There is another reason social influence matters: most people care about belonging. That isn't a weakness. Friendships and groups matter, while being laughed at, excluded or becoming the only person standing apart can feel uncomfortable. So consider a student whose friends want to sneak into an area where they are not supposed to be. The student knows the rule and doesn't particularly want to go, but the decision contains more than the question, “Should I break this rule?”
It might also contain, “Will everyone go without me?” or “Will they think I'm scared?” Maybe the student is wondering whether refusing means standing there alone while everyone else disappears around the corner. Suddenly the decision has several possible costs, and not all of them involve the rule itself. Good judgement requires noticing those social costs without pretending they don't matter.
Try the Alone Test again. Remove the friends from the restricted area, the group chat from the post, the audience from the risky stunt or the laughter from the joke. Would the person's decision probably stay the same? If it changes, you may have found part of the social influence. That doesn't mean the group is automatically wrong, because friends can also encourage someone to audition, join a club, ask for help or take another worthwhile measured risk. The skill is seeing the influence before deciding whether you want to follow it.
Return to our six friends watching the video. Four don't think it is funny, but nobody knows that. Then one person stops laughing and says, “I actually don't think we should share this.” Maybe somebody disagrees, or perhaps another person who was pretending to laugh finally says, “Yeah, me neither.” One person's behaviour has just given everyone else new social information. You aren't only reading the group; the group is reading you too.
