The Journey to Help 6: Future You Will Handle It
Future You is an extraordinary person. Future You starts assignments early, cleans the room, puts away the laundry, has uncomfortable conversations and deals with problems immediately. Current You has enormous confidence in this person. That is why Current You keeps handing Future You so much work. There is just one small problem with this arrangement. Tomorrow arrives, Future You becomes Current You, and suddenly both of you appear to have been involved in a fairly serious misunderstanding.
“Maybe tomorrow.”
Most of us recognize some version of this. Usually it is annoying rather than dangerous. The laundry will probably survive another day, although at some point the chair underneath it may need to be reported missing. But the same tendency to avoid something uncomfortable becomes much more important when the thing being delayed is asking for help. Someone may know there is a counsellor, doctor, program, teacher or trusted adult they could talk to and still keep putting off that first conversation. Knowing help exists and actually starting to get it are two different things. [1]
Why Does Avoiding Something Feel So Good?
Here is the strange part: avoiding something uncomfortable often works really well for a little while. Suppose you are worried about a difficult conversation tomorrow. You decide not to have it. Immediately, you no longer have to deal with that conversation today, and the uncomfortable feeling drops. The original problem has not disappeared, but you just received something valuable: relief right now. Your brain is very good at learning from what happens right now.
That helps explain why avoidance becomes so easy to repeat. The long-term choice might clearly be to deal with the problem, but the short-term choice offers an immediate reward. I will tell someone tomorrow feels considerably better at 4:00 this afternoon than I am going to tell someone something difficult at 4:05. Tomorrow also has the remarkable advantage of never being right now. Unfortunately, Future You is probably getting tired of receiving all these assignments.
When the problem involves substance use, there may be much more than ordinary procrastination involved. Someone may fear disappointing their family, losing friends, being judged or finding out what happens after they tell someone. Perhaps they tried asking for help before and the experience went badly. They may be unsure whether their problem is “serious enough,” embarrassed about what has happened or worried about who will find out. [1] From the outside, “Just tell someone” sounds like one simple action. From inside the situation, it may feel like twelve different steps wearing a trench coat and pretending to be one.
Knowing Is Not Doing
You already know this from ordinary life. Knowing physical activity is good for you does not automatically organize your afternoon, find your shoes, remove you from the couch and transport you outside. Information matters, but behaviour requires actually starting. Asking for help may require recognizing the problem, deciding to talk about it, choosing someone, figuring out how to contact them and beginning a conversation you may desperately wish you did not need to have. [1] For a 12- or 13-year-old who is frightened, embarrassed or uncertain, those steps may feel enormous. “Help is available” does not automatically mean “getting help feels possible.” [1]
Substance-use disorder makes this even more important. As you will explore further, addiction changes behaviour and makes controlling substance use increasingly difficult. Someone may genuinely want help while also feeling a powerful pull toward continuing to use. They may worry about losing friendships connected with substance use or fear what stopping will feel like. If physical dependence has developed, withdrawal adds another barrier. The problem the person needs help with may therefore make some of the actions required to seek help harder. [1,3]
Sometimes Another Person Makes the First Step Smaller
This is where the people around someone become incredibly important. A friend might sit beside them while they make a call. A teacher may help them find the right person at school. A parent, relative, counsellor or another trusted adult may help arrange an appointment, explain what will happen or simply stay there while the first conversation begins. None of those people has magically solved the entire problem. They have done something more realistic: they have made the next step easier to take.[1,7]
Think back to the community supports you explored earlier in this series. A service may technically exist while still being difficult for a young person to reach. Maybe they do not know whom to contact, worry about privacy, cannot get there easily or are frightened about what happens next. Another service might answer quickly, explain the process clearly and help the person through the first steps. [1] Both services exist on a list. To the person actually needing help, they are very different.
That means we should be careful about looking at someone who has not asked for help and deciding that they simply do not want it. We rarely know everything standing between a person and that first conversation. Fear, embarrassment, uncertainty, previous experiences, strong habits or addiction itself may be involved. [1] Understanding those barriers does not excuse harmful behaviour or mean nothing can change. It means good support has to work with real human behaviour, not with an imaginary person who calmly makes the perfect decision every time.
Future You Has Enough to Do
There is nothing unusual about wanting to avoid something uncomfortable. Humans are remarkably talented at handing unpleasant jobs to tomorrow. The important skill is recognizing when the problem has become too important to keep passing forward. A pile of clothes can probably wait. A serious safety problem may not.
That brings this whole part of Safety together. Community support is not just about building a program, publishing a phone number and waiting for people to arrive. It is also about making the first step understandable and reachable, and sometimes having another human being help someone take it. [1,7] The real question is what happens between help existing and a person actually receiving help. When that gap feels too large to cross alone, asking someone to cross the first part with you may be exactly what changes what happens next.
References
For post 2 : James, P.D., Nash, M. and Comiskey, C.M. (2024), Barriers and Enablers for Adolescents Accessing Substance-Use Treatment: A Systematic Review and Narrative Synthesis. Int J Mental Health Nurs, 33: 1687-1710. https://doi.org/10.1111/inm.13378
Gov’t of Canada, PHAC site YSUPP: https://www.canada.ca/content/dam/hc-sc/documents/services/substance-use/canadian-drugs-substances-strategy/youth-substance-use-prevention-program/youth_substance_use_prevention_program.pdf?utm
Meisel SN, Pielech M, Magill M, Sawyer K, Miranda R Jr.Mechanisms of Behavior Change in Adolescent Substance Use Treatment: A Systematic Review of Treatment Mediators and Recommendations for Advancing Future Research. Clin Psychol (New York). 2024 Jun;31(2):154-173. doi: 10.1037/cps0000089. Epub 2022 May 12. PMID: 38883554; PMCID: PMC11178260. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38883554/
Cole VT, Richmond-Rakerd LS, Bierce LF, Norotsky RL, Peiris ST, Hussong AM. Peer connectedness and substance use in adolescence: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Psychol Addict Behav. 2024 Feb;38(1):19-35. doi: 10.1037/adb0000914. Epub 2023 Mar 27. PMID: 36972090. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36972090/
Rose ID, Lesesne CA, Sun J, Johns MM, Zhang X, Hertz M. The Relationship of School Connectedness to Adolescents' Engagement in Co-Occurring Health Risks: A Meta-Analytic Review. J Sch Nurs. 2024 Feb;40(1):58-73. doi: 10.1177/10598405221096802. Epub 2022 Apr 28. PMID: 35477342.) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35477342/
Weatherson KA, O'Neill M, Lau EY, Qian W, Leatherdale ST, Faulkner GEJ. The Protective Effects of School Connectedness on Substance Use and Physical Activity. J Adolesc Health. 2018 Dec;63(6):724-731. doi: 10.1016/j.jadohealth.2018.07.002. Epub 2018 Sep 28. PMID: 30269908. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30269908/
Chae J, Kim H. Effectiveness of School-Based Resilience Interventions on Adolescent Tobacco, Alcohol, and Illicit Substance Use: A Meta-Analysis. J Sch Health. 2026 Apr;96(4):e70137. doi: 10.1111/josh.70137. PMID: 41812678; PMCID: PMC12978879. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/41812678/
