How Do Our Experiences Help Us Grow?

Think about yourself two or three years ago. What were you really into? What were you good at? What did you avoid because it seemed too hard or just not worth the effort? Now think about yourself today. Some things probably stayed the same, but not everything did. A lot happened between that version of you and this one. You met people. You tried things. You practised some things and quit others. You struggled, succeeded and changed your mind. Most of the time, you were not thinking, This experience is changing me. You were just busy living it. What changed in you because of what you experienced?

What Could One Experience Change?

Discover: How could trying something once begin to change you? Your friend convinces you to try rock climbing. Hanging from a wall by your fingertips was not really on your life plan, but you go anyway. At first, you are terrible. Someone shows you how to use your legs more. You try again, get higher and by the end you want another turn. That afternoon gave you new information. You might discover an interest because you want to return. You might notice a strength because you kept trying. If you return and practise, you begin building new skills. But the experience did more than reveal things already inside you. Before that day, climbing was not an interest or a skill. The experience started changing you.

Try it: Pick something you tried for the first time. Did you discover an interest, notice a strength, begin a skill, or more than one?

Same Experience. Different Person.

Discover: Will the same experience change everyone in the same way? Put three students into the same school play. One leaves rehearsal thinking, Where has this been all my life? Another decides being on stage is approximately the last place on Earth they want to be, but discovers they love designing the set. The third notices that when everyone gets disorganized, they are pretty good at getting the group back on track. Same play. Three different discoveries. You learn from experiences that fit you and experiences that do not. I loved that it was useful information. So I don't think that is for me. Your interests also change as your experiences change.

Try it: Think of an experience you and a friend both had but felt differently about. What did your response tell you about yourself?

Where Did That Skill Come From?

Discover: Were you always good at the things you are good at now? Choose something you are fairly good at today. Go far enough backward and you will probably find a much less impressive version of you doing it. Wobbly turns. Strange-looking drawings. Wrong notes. Burnt pancakes. You got better because experiences piled up. You tried, noticed what did not work, got feedback, adjusted and tried again. You did not simply discover that skill. You built it. Strengths grow through experiences too. Working with others might help you become a better listener. Facing difficult situations gives you chances to practise staying with a problem. Experiences give strengths somewhere to appear and somewhere to grow.

Try it: Choose one skill or strength you have now. What are two experiences that helped build it?

Look Back. There Are Clues Everywhere.

Discover: Could an earlier experience explain something about you today? Some changes are easy to spot. Others hide inside ordinary life. A group project might show you that you organize people well. A friendship might introduce you to something you now love. A mistake might change how you prepare next time. Someone believing in you might be the reason you returned to something you nearly quit. That is why looking backward matters. Pick one interest, strength or skill that is different today. What happened in between? Who was there? What did you try? What did you practise? Those experiences are clues to how you became the person you are today.

Try it: Follow one clue backward. Choose something about yourself today and identify one experience or person that helped shape it.

You Are Nowhere Near Finished

Discover: If experiences helped shape who you are today, what does that mean for who you might become? Your interests, strengths and skills are not a finished list. At twelve, that would be a ridiculously early deadline. Adults are still finding new interests, becoming beginners and discovering abilities they did not know they had. There are people you have not met yet, activities you have never tried and skills you have not begun building. Some experiences will show you something about yourself. Others will change what interests you and what you are able to do. So look backward sometimes. What changed? What happened in between? Your experiences leave clues about who you have become, and the experiences ahead will help shape who you become next.

Try it: Name one new experience you would be willing to try. What might it give you a chance to discover?

Words Worth Knowing

Interest is something you enjoy, care about, or want to explore more. Strength is something about you that helps you learn, work with others, or handle situations. Skill is something you learn to do and improve through experience and practice.

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